Red vs Blue: Recruitment
by Nattei
Summary: As command communicates with Red team, the Blood Gulchers' lives get a little bit more interesting. Again.
1. Chapter 1

**RED v BLUE:**

**RECRUITMENT**

Sarge crouched I the long grass, peering through his binoculars. He saw Agent Washington and Tucker arguing in the doorway of Blue Base. Washington gave up and retreated back into the base. Tucker started to look around through the scope of his DMR, searching for threats. Sarge backed up a little, wary of Tucker's keen eye.

The voice of Dick Simmons rang out across the valley.

"Hey, Sarge! Get over here!"

Sarge whirled round, and stood up.

"Simmons! You should be ashamed of yourself! You're endangering the life of your CO! I'm trying to be stealth-!" He was cut off as a DMR round whizzed past his head. "Warning shot." Shouted Tucker.

Sarge looked back at Tucker.

"Okay! Okay!" he replied, "I'm going!"

Grumbling angrily, he made his way back to Red Base.

He caught up with Simmons, who lead him into the base. Inside, Grif was sleeping, slumped against one wall. Sarge looked at him and cocked his Shotgun

"Private Dirtbag!" He shouted "Wake the hell up!"

He fired his shotgun at the wall beside Grif. He woke up with a start.

"WHAT THE F***!?" He yelled.

"I said wake up, Dirtbag!" Sarge shouted, and fired his shotgun into the wall again.

Simmons backed away.

"Sarge, calm down!"

"Why would I?" Sarge snapped

"You nearly killed Grif!"

Grif looked at Simmons, "To be fair, that's not that unusual"

"Yeah, but…." Simmons sighed, "Look, just listen. We've got a message from command."

"What?" asked Sarge, "I thought we were outlaws?"

Simmons turned to him, "Yeah, we were, but I think they sorta forgave us when we helped Church and Carolina take down Project Freelancer."

"Oh… I'm gonna pretend I understood that."

"Ok, whatever," Simmons replied irritably, "We're getting a new recruit."

"Oh," said Grif, "Cool. Does that mean one of us can go home?"

Sarge turned to him and cocked his shotgun.

"Okay, Okay!" mutters Grif

Simmons tried to diffuse the situation.

"The Blues are getting someone too. They should be arriving soon."

"Right then," said Sarge, "Time to take back Blood Gulch."

The distinctive roar of Pelican engines is heard from outside. Simmons went to the door.

"Oh, he's…" He stopped talking, backed away from the door.

Sarge walked to the door, "What the hell is it?"

"Good news, I'm sure." muttered Grif darkly, following him. He peered outside.

"Oh, sh**." he said as his eyes found the armour-clad figure standing outside, gazing up at where a pelican was fading into the distance.

An oddly curvy armour-clad figure. It turned to the Reds

It wore Sarge-Red armour, a Recruit Helmet and Chestpiece. Her visor was orange like everyone else's.

"Hey," it said in a nice, distinctly feminine voice "I'm Nymphadora A. Jameson. Who are you?"

"Simmons," whispered Sarge, "Is that what I think it is?"

"Yes, Sarge." muttered Simmons in a shocked voice, "That is a woman."

Grif looked fearfully at Simmons, "Does she wanna kill us?"

"Like most other women we've met?"

"Yeah?"

"Weirdly, no."


	2. Chapter 2

**EPISODE II**

**NYMPH**

They had been standing there for a full five minutes. Grif was starting to feel tired. Sarge hadn't said anything, and Simmons kept stuttering.

Nymphadora looked at them. _Are they mute!? _She thought. _Great. Of all the teams I could be sent to, I get the idiots. Of course._

She tried to break the silence, "Uh… hello?" The Maroon one jumped.

Maroon looked to the other two. The Orange one looked back, shrugged. Nymphadora could hear them whispering, very quietly. She looked around, searching for something to talk about. She saw a jeep.

The words escaped her lips before she could decide whether or not to speak them.

"Why are they called Warthogs?" _Seriously?_ She scolded herself, _you start a conversation about the name of a jeep? _

A meaningful look was passed among the Reds.

"We don't" said the Scarlet one.

"So…. Uh, what do you call it?"

The Orange one spoke up, "I think we just call it the jeep."

"Chupathingy." Corrected Scarlet.

"Whatever." Said Orange

Nymphadora stared. _Are they seriously having an argument about what they call their jeep?_

Another part of her mind argued, _You started it._

…

_Shut up._

Tucker peered through his scope, sizing up the new Red. Then he noticed something. How had he not noticed it before? He called for Washington.

"What?" Wash asked as he came out of the base.

"The new Red!"

"What about him?"

"It's a woman!"

"What!?" Wash looked through his BR scope, "That's imposs-… Oh my God."

Tucker looked up at him. "I know, right? I mean…" He paused, "Wait, where's Caboose?"

"Talking to the Tank again."

"Are we ever gonna get Sheila from the ship back in Valhalla? I'm starting to feel sorry for the little guy."

Wash looked at him, "Aw, growing a soft spot, are we?"

"Dude," said Tucker, "I understand the horrors of not having a girl in your life."

"Yeah, and Caboose can't replace her with a rock."

"F*** you."


End file.
